#A_Lifetime

|| Loving you was never an option..
...because loving you was the only thing I knew..
But as the growing up hit us strong...
...our moments became few..
Words were never involved earlier, neither will it be, in days to come..
...being with you gave the ultimate composure, but that too soon will be numb..
Time we spent was the ultimate ride..
...with all the emotions and all the fight..
The "once in a lifetime" kind of events that we know of..
...this was one of such with innocence and devoid of any show-off..
"This is us now and will be in future", I always thought..
...and one fine day I woke up and realized that our childhood was lost..
I hope u trek out new paths and find better ways...
...but no matter where I be...I was and will be within you......
...........................Always!! ||

#StayBlessed!

(picture by GRV)

#ToMySolitude

|| The hushed night has spoken to me and at times listened with patience.
I've always heard the loudest scream in its silence..
Felt an utter chaos in its stillness..
And yet, all I could think of, was You.....
....that...How tightly yet tenderly you held my hands with each passing hour....
Comforting me.
Accompanying me....
....and tried Saving me each time, from myself..
.....I am a loner; never felt lonely..
.....because I found you in my silence only..   ||

#StayBlessed!

DeathInTheFamily.

|| No matter how much control we exercise over life...Death can not be tamed.

It comes and goes in silence and teaches us that somethings in life can not be won..

...sometimes, acceptance is the only thing to be aimed!! 

I write because I know no other way to grieve...and I know that words are not enough to fill the space.....

Rest In Peace is all what we can pray..

....I know you are in a much better place.. ||

I love you..

StayBlessed! 

The Daffodil

|| "I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I saw a crowd,
A host, of golden daffodils;
Beside the lake, beneath the trees,
Fluttering and dancing in the breeze." 
                                   ~ William Wordsworth ||

....I whispered softly to myself as I witnessed "the daffodil" almost after ages.
I was not wandering over the vales and hills though!

Suddenly, the cacophony around dimmed and I could hear only my heart throbbing to the tune of nostalgia.


The age old concrete construction with its almost broken iron gate and faded ivory walls, did not lesson the shine of the marble engraving that says the name. It still gave out the same innocent vibes...and it was standing in front of me, the small bungalow with a small round balcony protruding out towards the main gate. Garden; now turned into unkempt wild-lings.

I dared to enter.
I didn't thought I would, when I started my holiday-special evening strolls.
This time when I went home for the summers I didn't realize I would be attracted to a long gone part of my childhood.

I saw the window where our eyes met;

....a little boy, he was of our age probably, looked out through that window and with the most adorable smile, used to wave at us. 
And sitting by the window of our school bus we (my friend and I), used to look forward to those few seconds of waving, which quickly became the highlights of our daily school trips through out our Third and Fourth grade..
One day he came out at the gate and threw us a packet of chocolate; we never did give him anything.
Not a day went when he was not there to greet us, we returned the favor by having 100% attendance at school!

And we were responsible enough to let him know about our vacations by writing "vacation till 15th June" on a big paper and throwing it at him!!

During the vacations, my friend and I had planned to go and visit his house several times; the only problem was to convince our parents to let us visit someone's house whose name even was a mystery to us; there were times when they were convinced that we were making a person up just to get out of the house.

After the exam break, on the first day of Fifth grade, we realized that he was gone..and the worst part was the house was locked like there was no one anymore. Big locks were hanging from the main entrance and all the windows were closed!

It was like loosing someone of our own.
"how can he just go away without letting us know?", it was very hurtful.

Days passed, but after that day we didn't see any soul in or around that house.

Route of journey changed...Our lives changed...Time faded out the hurt....but kept the memory, which suddenly got triggered when I was standing there in front of that gate.
I tried to ask around about the whereabouts of the owner, but no one could surely say anything except it was now acquired by the government..
Who knows what happened to him? Who knows why he left?....
But that's the beauty of not knowing! He can be anywhere in the world now..Be anyone I like!
While I was returning, I realized that we work hard to put a name in every relationship now a days!...it seemed so petty!
......Thankfully it was innocent times....We never did care about name-calling!
It was Perfect!

#StayBlessed!

#BeingOldSchool

It has always been easier for me to write on paper instead of typing.
Curving my hand along with the flow of ink has always been mesmerizing for me than making my fingers do "stop and go" on a keyboard.

Beautiful papers, with dark ink on it; 
Writing what comes to mind, what comes easy. 
Something that can not be explained, yet need to be let out.

May be the sound of the waves;
To sit on the edge of a cliff and watch the water working its pace.
Or may be a well-lit city at a distance with blurry lights and faded noises.

And something like, children playing in mud.
And wondering about their innocence around a puddle. 
While the people standing underneath the umbrella, get drenched by their nostalgic tears.

May be cloud gazing.
When there's nothing to do, search for a face that puts a smile that travel up to the eyes.
It doesn't matter if it's a starry night or a monsoon sky, the clouds never abandon. 

The depression on a paper made by the words, makes me aware that ALL of it were real.
Makes me feel that; Nothing, we love is ever lost.

#StayBlessed!

TheRainbow

|| Relations end.. People die (both literally and metaphorically)..

...but following all catastrophe, a rainbow emerges. 

The color of a rainbow, however, can often be misleading; because it's not always about the happy endings but surviving and coming out of the storm.. 

....sometimes, it is about the time when a relation ends even before it begins..

.........a time when death visits prior to a birth!!

Memories are the worst part of being alive, when your being alive is a continuous reminder of the lost soul..

Loosing a part of the body (literally) is painful both physically and mentally, more so, if it's a life inside you.

A baby born after a miscarriage or still birth is referred to as a Rainbow baby.

A rainbow appears after a huge storm, but no matter how short lived it is, people appreciate and love it.

The loss of pregnancy is thus compared to a wild storm, through which the parents have to go, but amidst all this chaos, the short-lived life of the baby acts as a rainbow and helps them to live through this pain by its invisible and innocent presence. 

Today I dedicate my writing to all those angels who were too perfect to be in this mortal realm....whom we never met but will always be a part of the living.

Be happy and safe, wherever you are!! I am sure you are in a much better place..

#StayBlessedStayHappy

TheContradicting!

|| At times, someone else's perspective about you can make you rethink about yourself.

An unexpected individual might make you see a new layer, which you did not know existed inside you, in the first place ||

StayBlessed!

Something_Sketchy !!

An old hobby....

StayBlessed!

#1423

A time to let go of the old and embrace the new..yet again!!
.....Shubho NoboBorsho......
....Happy Bengali New Year (1423).....

StayBlessed!

TheClockHands

|| Those few seconds are tempting, when we hide in each other as one..
....it makes the hours away, somewhat livable..
Watching you travel the whole face, watching you going out of sight..
........no matter how late you are, you always come outright..
The passionate call of the midnight, when we meet again.. I wish not to let you go...
...........I wish the time stops, freezing the night.. ||

StayBlessed!

TheBroodingEncounter

||"When a life altering event occurs, people remember"||
......however, PTSD (post-traumatic stress disorder) is real...it just comes to different people in different ways... Some live in denial, while others in fear of that moment for the rest of their lives.

Certain moments in life are so damn shocking and disgusting that you "secretly wish to go back and fix it" and "do not wish to go back and face it again", at the same.

It doesn't matter now, I guess.
Reading all those crime fighting novels and watching "mugging gone wrong" series, seem unreal to some extent.

Behaviorally speaking, after a distressing event occurs, you tend to play every possible scenario leading to that event, in your mind, which could have saved you from the trouble in the first place.
You start to obsess over the event so much so, that a part of you blames yourself for being at the wrong place at the wrong time.

The first few seconds of the incident, leave you stupefy, no matter how brave heart-ed you are, followed by hours of emotional turmoil. It is never about the things or possession you lost in the process, but the emotional attachment you have with them... It is not the physical pain but the unpredictability of the moment and the nerve-wrecking, that affect the most!!
Moreover, the tendency of self-doubt and procrastination becomes regular.

The worst part about being a victim is remembering each second of the incident vividly.
...and I am still trying to find the best part about it as they say that everything in life happens for a reason...
May be, one fine day I will wake up and won't mind remembering it, won't mind bearing it with me...
...... till that day.........

......
StayBlessed!
...and StaySafe!

CoLoUrS

People always say that, you know you are in love when the colour red starts to captivate you...
..Yes! Sure... when my oxytocin level will rise, suddenly the color of my blood will attract me!! Honestly, if that happens, chances of me being a vampire will be more than just being lovesick.

...I see the point of having a favourite colour when you are experiencing affection for someone, for that matter...but fail to understand the obsession with red!!

No one looks so happy when it comes out of a wound; rather try to put an end by stitching or capping a band-aid over it...

.....You know what! Don't read that!!When you put it thaaat way; it is not so appealing..

But coming back to the obsession part, I can assure you that no matter how much you fight it, hormones have a strange way of getting any work done by you!!
I used to hate! Hate! Green!!! Not even Dislike first, per se...Straight Hate!! a very negative feeling one can say...
And it is strange because of all the environmental issues and "save green" logos around, I know it's a risky colour to hate; but still I never particularly liked it..

One fine day, every green thing started to sooth my eyes..
I started loving it...not even Like first, per se...Straight out Love!!

Just because I saw a pretty boy wearing a Green shirt, and just because I stared at him for hours and hours (in this case till he passed by me), doesn't mean I Have to like the colour itself!!
But ...I did..
...still, do...
...love the color; not the staring part!!

All of this sound so very 'high school musical'...
Trust me..it did then, as well...
...and the funny part is, I didn't even try to fight it.....

Any green shirt-ed guy take me to that time of my life; and I tell you, it's more than you think!!
..Why the hell so many guys wear green now a days, I don't know!!

There was this incident last week, when I saw someone standing in the middle of the road with his scooter and so very many papers scattered around him. Now, generally, I would not have given attention to such a situation but his green shirt caught my eyes.
Not a horrible human being, as I am, I stopped and helped him take his scooter to a near sidewalk and collected his papers. As I handed him the pile of paper, he thanked me and was about to say his name when out of nowhere I interrupted him and said, "You're welcome. Do take care"....and went on my way..
He seemed a little startled but I know he got over it pretty soon as he had a lot on his plate then!!

My utter ill-mannered attitude had nothing to do with that person; I just did not want his name...
There is only one name, which I correspond to any Green thing, and did not want it to be over-written by any other.

Let it be, what it is..
..Why take the risk of ruining it..!


StayBlessed!


(P.s - No, my favourite Marvel character is not Green Lantern though)

#A_March_Day

It was one of those days when the wind was crazy and the clouds refused to acknowledge the sun.
Everyone suddenly became very busy, they were determined not to allow anything inside....houses and offices were never so quickly caged....mere wind did it..

HE came and sat on a branch...one, which was most vulnerable, and most turbulent...yet he sat in peace, enjoying the swing...
...within moments the adjoining construction site disbursed a cloud of dust..I did not lose his site, waiting for him to fly away...
....he didn't...

It seemed that he was enjoying the ups and downs...for a second or two he looked at me, as we were the only two souls there, crazy enough to be outside..

I pointed the camera trying to search for any inert feelings, but he never looked my way.

At the end, the branch became too wild for him to hold on. The ride he was enjoying, eventually had reached the threshold of its existence...
....he came near me for a moment and in the next, went on his way, probably mocking me of being the more insane one, of the two !!

Once upon a time; the storm and the smell of rain clouds, used to invoke a covert affection in me...
......that was before...it was lost, I knew it all along...yet tried to reach out to that sense of elusion....!!

===========================================

||Sometimes I think I have felt everything I am ever gonna feel. And from here on out, I am not gonna feel anything new. Just lesser version of what I have already felt.|| ~ HER

--------HE was right!!-----------

==========================================

StayBlessed!

Retrospection

Lonliness is the worst disease.
..it is the unspoken conversations that reside in us..
..it is the hole in our lives..

People who have already spent half of their lives caring for the need of others; they, in the long run are mostly affected by the emptiness in their houses and blank spaces around them..
The age old physical exertion, plays mind tricks making them mentally and emotionally vulnarable..

We tend to forget that, as we grow up..our parents grow old...this is the ugliest of the truths..

...and in this journey they empty themselves, by giving us everything we need to survive, and thus forget to think about themselves...and most of the time we take that for granted, overlooking the fact that now they have nothing to, bank on...
They do their duties by making us able and providing us with everything that are needed to move ahead...

...we move ahead..but they are left behind...

The hands, those, once use to catch us whenever we fell should be held and brought in front of us, because they are our Guiding Stars....
....ALWAYS.....

StayBlessed!

#The_Letter

Dear Mr.Darcy,

Never, before, have I known that someone can be so repulsive that it makes you fall in love with that person again and again..
Never, before, did I know the phrase "brooding and handsome" exsits..

Never, before, did I know that there exists a love which is, although not sugar-coated, still passionate enough to drive through your veins..
...An emotion so inert..yet so wild at the same time, that...
.........it is hard to resist...

Being in love with a person and Being in love with the idea of love has often been  mistaken to be synonymous, more so, because most of us draw the ideal picture of someone rescuing us; forgetting that in order to make the rescuing successful, one should want to be rescued..

I, however, am not made of "sugar, ice and everything nice"; and thus, once, had a privileged company of a gentleman who, for a change, didn't want to rescue me; rather wanted to put an end to the trouble and in a way be rescued as well......and as many would identify the emotion, I panicked..Not because I didn't want to be rescued but I wasn't sure whether I could survive after the mission is done...
"...Then what!!???!! "
I was so used to the fact of being in constant alert, that my mind forgot how a piece of calm tasted. I couldn't relax and be vigilant at the same time....and I realized that I was in love with my soliloquy and the habit of control, than anything else..

An evening with you made me visit the time when, no matter how brief it was, someone of your genre, understood that sugar-coated love is not my forte, and for once, made me comfortable....
....and It Scared me...

From,
a Humble Sceptic..

StayBlessed!

#Since1992_TillForever

A part of my childhood metaphorically grew up and I could literally feel it.....
....watching my first ever friend (in this big bad world) getting married, when the other part of my mind was busy playing hide-n-seek with every little scenario we went through since we were three..

It's that kind of friendhip which can be paused and resumed from the same point even if we weren't in regular touch..

We laughed
We argued
We cried
We gossiped..
....but no matter what it is....and no matter how long it took, you never gave up on our friendship..

Thank you for being the bigger person.
I will always respect you for that.

Love you and wish you get a life you have always dreamt of....

|A Dedication|


StayBlessed!

#AboveTheWorldSoHigh

                                                                                                          [To you,
                                                                                                           ..for the wonderful conversation]

"There are millions of stars in the sky..people see them everyday, no one speaks about them much, but they become excited to see a shooting star that comes once in a while..
That one star itself values more than the millions of the existing regular ones." 

=============================================

|| Stars adorn the sky since their inception...

That is the only way they know..

Few thousands of us, witness them ourselves, may be while sitting idle on a terrace or walking on the moonlit row.

...But those gazes-- sometimes with sighful smiles;

...Fail to surface any inhert excitment, at times..

Suddenly!-- a flash of light...within half a wink...swept her tail,

...and left the sky perplexed, with the aura of her sparkling trail..

The content eyes suddenly widened, bubbling with desire ...!!

"now my wish will be true" they thought, "just make a wish to the magnificent ball of fire"

The stars felt betrayed..yet again...they did not feel 'up-above the world so high'....

The shooting star smirked, equivalencing herself to the millions of stagnant flickers, as she enjoyed her strolling by.... ||

|A Dedication|

StayBlessed!

#TheVagueExchange

|| --Do you still love me?
--Hmm
--Why?
--The feeling expired; the habit remained......||

closure never comes easy!!

StayBlessed!

#2016isHere

|| So, I survived one year of blogging...
And, hope to continue it in the months to come..
I am thankful to everyone who did read my inarticulate feelings..and to those who didn't as well..
I am overwhelmed by the views of each and every post....so thank you once again...
Have a great year ahead....
....and a BIG cheers to all the sunrises of 2016.. ||

StayBlessed!