The uglier side!

|| Dekh bhai do option hai. 

Ya toh majnu ban ja, kapde phar k raste pe aa ja. Ya toh cool reh. 

And you know what, I'm cool. 

Chalne wala tha nahi. Jo baad mein hota wo abhi ho gaya. Tension gayi. 

I'm fine.....||

No I didn't say these, it is one of those cheesy Bollywood romance cum reality movies that make people rethink their whole life!

Had "fine" been so simple, there would not have been any fuss over love..

It does not last for much of a time though.
.After a session of self-aggrandizing calmness(like that of the eye of the cyclone), the very next is the reality.

"Pick up everything u idiot."

Gear up. Be awake. Do duties. Do chores. Smile. Eat. Sing. Write. Sleep. Repeat. 

The eye has passed. You are caught up in the cyclone again. 

Most people will give the "I have a dream" speech. Ted will talk about finding positivism. 

But....

What about the negative side?

No one wants to talk about the bad things in life. 

What about the ugly side of us. The monster that we try to tame since the inception of time. We are animals. We have rude animal instincts. 

And no matter how much positive vibe you get, you can never love a person to the fullest unless you have seen the ugly side. 

The crazy screamer. The illogical door banger. The rude push away and the ridiculous transition from sane to insanity within seconds. 

It's in us. Always have. Always will.

Find someone who can not handle that. Yes! Can not handle that. Because you don't need a handler. Find someone who understands those negative eruptions and still choose to love you as they have in the past, and will continue to do, for the two decades to come.

 Forget the "be with someone who brings out the best in you" philosophy. Be with someone who brings out the worst....Brings out all the insecurities....All the fears.....Who's vibe makes you go crazy.........Only then... 

......and then only can you find the actual you in front of others, if you could let go of yourself in front of the person you love. Stress free. 

.......And all those insecurities and negativeness which were bothering you would be packed and kept away in a galaxy far far away. 

People will anyway see what they want to see. no matter how much of a psychotic activity you do....so better to clear up your head and heart in a safe space (either in front of someone, or in a closed cupboard, doesn't matter), so that the world can't see your weaknesses; for it will not spare any moment of using those against you!

To the people for whom it makes sense. 

And for the rest..."Oh honey!!!!"

#StayBlessed

Peek-A-School!

Watching a high school drama in a popular network, stirred  up many a forgotten memories.
After indulging in several episodes, when I finally stopped, I realized, how special first times were.

When that tingling butterfly in the stomach feeling hit, and when love felt as innocent as a child’s laugh; thinking about a time so pure, it made me smile..
The excitement and blood rush when your saw the person walking down the corridor, the made up excuses to visit his classroom, or when had a chance to sit beside him during the exams, and then finally when he asked a pencil from you (“because he forgot to bring one”- ya right!), I so wished that moment to never end!

Back then when love was just a feeling, not a decision.
Back then, when love was just about feeling good, not frustration.
A feeling so pure, that it did not need to have any other intention.
When the first time he called you and it sounded different, both understood that, it was something else.

And then gathering up all courage, for the first time in life, when someone said those three words, looking at you hopelessly and hypnotically, looking at you as if you were the only person present in the entire universe, his entire universe…..it felt majestically wonderful.

We complicate love as we grow up.

We come across many inert, romantic and passive aggressive feelings in us as we grow up!

and,

We part ways with people. 

Everything said and done,
We can forget everything in this world but can never forget how someone made us feel.
It stays.
Through all other complicacies and decision making processes of life, that innocently pure feeling that was once felt, stays; somewhere locked up.

Most of us do not get back that feeling once we grow up; but if you find someone who brings out that toe-curling romance in you (which is nearly impossible),
..do not let them go!

#StayBlessed!

Miracle of Baishak

||.....And then it rained outside as well, and as much..||

You know it's a "kobi-pokkho" miracle when a rain deprived area experience a night of rare, torrential rainfall.

#thankyouRobiThakur you always know when to make it rain :)

#shubho25sheyBaishakh :) #sighofrelief

#StayBlessed!

|| প্রিয় রবি ঠাকুর ||

আজ তার কলম কথা বলুক;

|| জানি আমি জানি ভেসে যাবে অভিমান,
নিবিড় ব্যথায় ফাটিয়া পড়িবে প্রাণ,
শূন্য হিয়ার বাঁশিতে বাজিবে গান,
পাষান তখন গলিবে নয়নজলে।

হার-মানা হার পরাব তোমার গলে।
দূরে রব কত আপন বলের ছলে।

হার-মানা হার পরাব তোমার গলে। ||

|| শুভ জন্মদিন গুরুদেব ||

|| তোমার জন্য ||

An Old Friend

In the rain kissed windy evening, nostalgia is a hard feeling to fight. 

Wondering through some old stuff can only bring two types of feelings....

Getting surprised looking at somethings and not remembering the same. 

And...

Suddenly finding something with which you have parted ways long back, keeping it in a closed box in your brain and accepting that it has gone for good

....I got re-acquainted with one such friend of mine. 

We go on our own way at times but that never keeps us from wondering about the other part of us, had it chosen the other way. No matter where we wander, both people and things have a way of coming back to where it belongs in the first place. Where it should have been. From where it started. It's only then the circle of life gets complete. 

It's a silly locket. I used to love love love it. While it was with me, I kept loosing it. So I decided to keep it in the safest place I knew that time, but of course it had to be away from me. But I loved it too much to bear loosing it while keeping it with me. Knowing that it will be safer at a place which is not with me, seemed more bearable.

But today this earthen smell became the second most wonderful thing as my locket found its way back to me. 

All that are wandering are not lost. It just means that we have more faith in emotions than the physical presence.  Someway or the other, if you have a genuine craving, you will find yourself with those which you have loved irrationally but truly. 

#StayBlessed!

কালবৈশাখীর অপেক্ষায়

রোজ তোমাকে পাই।
নতুন রূপে। নতুন করে।
নিজের করে। 

সারাদিন এর তর্কাতর্কির পরে রাত এর অন্ধকার এ পরিষ্কার দেখি মাথার কাছে বসে চুলে হাত বুলিয়ে দিচ্ছ।
চোখ বন্ধ করতে ইচ্ছে হয় না যদি হারিয়ে যাও। কিন্তু সকালে চোখ খোলার আগেই বুঝে যাই যে সামনেই আছো। একটা অদ্ভুত গন্ধ আছে যেটা ঘিরে থাকে সারাদিন আমাকে। সেই থেকেই তো বুঝি। 

কালবৈশাখী দেখিনি কত যুগ হয়ে গেছে কিন্তু আজ ও চোখ বন্ধ করলে সেই সোঁদা হাওয়ার গন্ধ পাই। মাটির গন্ধ পাওয়ার আগে হাওয়াতে ভেসে আসে সেই গন্ধ। এখনো আসে হয়তো। হয়তো এখনো কোনো মেয়ে জানলা র কাছে এসে দাঁড়ায় সেই গন্ধের টানে।

তুমি সেইরকমই এক দমকা ঠান্ডা হওয়া, যা এক মুঠ নিশ্বাস দিয়ে যায়।

Kadombori

#ভাল_থেকো!

Music---an escape!

Whenever she hummed, it triggered a string in me since I was a fetus.....
She tried to pass on that list of vocal chords to me but I choose a career that has nothing to do with it..It feels like a lifetime since I sang sincerely...
I miss my morning riwaz, my tanpura, my small room where I got the taste of this melody....where I realized that I can sing, realized that I have a soul!
Today when she is so far away, it's only this music of her's that connects me to the bygone days..the days of childhood, the days of winning trophies..
I found in me a place where I keep all my loved ones, who are not with me today, for various reasons (no! death is not the only reason)...all those people whom I want to say that I love you so much...for all those people who always have encouraged and loved my singing.....
....this is for them and for anyone and everyone who would like to listen some amateurish melodies :

My Inside Tract! My Music!

I hope it will mean to You as much as it means to me!

Today is the birth anniversary of one of the biggest institutions of Indian and world cinema, Satyajit Ray..
He has always been an epitome of my nostalgia.. My childhood would have been incomplete without your evergreen and ever-loving movies, songs and poems...
Thank you Sir, and hope you are in a better place doing what you do best; enriching people with art!
This is a special tribute to him, from one of my favorite movies :

HirakRajarDeshe

#keepreading
#keeplistening

#ForMa_mySingingIdol
#forYou_andYouAlreadyKnow!
 #StayBlessed!

A_humble_acknowledgement!

Writing a blog has its moments of bliss in bits and pieces....
Bits that involve me and pieces that include others as well!
Throughout the day, millions of thoughts cross our minds.....
....some we get hold of...some we keep note of..and some we put a pin into!

It's a divine feeling to pen down your feelings exactly at the same time when you are feeling it. 
However, it's a pretty rare thing to do, yet I try!

The success lies in the fact that the resultant product is eligible of being interpreted in a completely different way than you have intended it to be; by a complete stranger or even by a known person and that sense of belonging to someone's share of life.....that sense of satisfaction that no matter what I thought while writing or what I thought could be the only interpretation, there's more! 

The feeling that, it has far more varied meaning...far more readers than I actually expected....and that there is someone out there in the world who actually could relate to my train of thoughts; is pretty amazing!

Nothing in the world can be as beautiful as the feeling when you know that your writing is someone's reason of comfort.

Everyone has their own skill and level of interpretations. It's a beautiful thing....and no matter what the writer say, I always felt that the readers have a greater power of molding and shaping a piece like no one!

The fulfillment of any prose or poetry piece lies in the fact that a greater circle of people can relate themselves with it.
And if you can't; there's no harm in just swimming in the tranquility of the verbal pool, if voracious reading is not your cup of tea!

There's more to life...as we know it!!


#StayBlessed!

a_DGTcapture

Once Upon A Night!

All the high profile saintly and sane, one liners, which we read to boost up our spirits do not come from people with extra intelligence but from people who have actually done more sh*t than us. People who once were in a more difficult fix than we think we are in right now.

Ernest Hemingway said,"Write drunk, edit sober."

Now how do you think he realized that it could work?!

Of course because he knew it from the first hand experience. From studying his life and from what was shown in "Midnight in Paris", Hemingway was a heavy drinker and enjoyed being in that sweet trance of alcohol. In this forever debate of whether drunk people tell the truth or not, it has been recently established by a scientific community of sorts that 75% of what you say and feel and do while you are under the effect of alcohol is what you wanted to but due to several social reasons may be you choose not to. All those eager wishes are said to be kept under the tab labelled 'repressed memory '.

Coming back to writing drunk part, I happened to come across some pages of the 'diary of a not so young girl', whom I once knew.
She must have written it drunk and I didn't feel right to edit it being sober.

||| Being straight out intoxicated or out of control, is a privilege that some can't afford. Some can't apprehend, and some will always be ignorant. 

I'm neither advertising addiction nor in that case encouraging it; but having a chance to be open up as if it's the last day on earth with people you trust more than life itself, is a special feeling. 

Yes! That can be done being in senses as well but for those who have to be within the clutches of their self-made prison, more mentally than physically or emotionally, for those unfortunate control-freaks, the off switch is a hard thing to click. 

 For a greater part of my adulthood, that has witnessed the overpowering of technology on our lives , I have always craved for a simpler time. 

A time when waiting really meant something for both or multiple parties. 

When waiting didn't merely mean 'till the blue tick appears'. A time when imagination played a major part. A time when meeting meant, in person. 

I consider this and coming generations to be very unlucky because they will never know the intensity of that gushing feelings that comes to surface, when you get to see someone after missing that person, physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally; but then one cannot miss something that they haven't experienced. 

 Tonight I got stood up. No don't feel sorry for me. This is the second time, so by this time I'm used to it. At least this time I was in the comfort of a chair waiting for my virtual date to pop up in a screen. It's much of an improvement from last time when I was standing in the middle of one of the busiest traffic circles in an ever busy metro-city, waiting for someone to show up having no clue that he will ditch me. And the idiot that I was, it took me 3 hours to understand that. I kept calling him but it was not meant to be probably. 

At least this time I hunched that he is not going to show up, not going to give me company, that I'll find myself alone at the end of the night, in the pool of my salinity, breaking a promise that I did more to myself than to anyone.. and then procrastinate but will finally accept that a social protocol kept him from coming. 

He never wanted a temporary relief. 

I understood.. but no matter how much I try to be a strong willed person, there's a threshold that is hidden from most of the world and tonight I realized that it's meant to be kept hidden. Loneliness never really hit me as it did tonight. 

I was actually scared. 

Scared of the load-shedding that suddenly struck the entire area. 

Scared of the storm that suddenly thumped the glass window. 

Scared of myself, scared of what had become!! 

Scared of what I made myself in front of others!! 

I hope to find myself. 

This time, alone (Alone never means without people. Alone is a state of mind which no matter how much of a 'ted or barney' one may try to be, can never fill it.)...

This time, for me. This time I refuse to give the key of my future to anyone other than myself!

I hope life comes to a full circle. 

I hope life gives a second chance to people who deserve. 

Hope is a slow poison...Hope is a very weak word for the intensity with which I want it to be true, and yet I hope, everyday for many varied reasons.......|||

#StayBlessed!