Once Upon A Night!

All the high profile saintly and sane, one liners, which we read to boost up our spirits do not come from people with extra intelligence but from people who have actually done more sh*t than us. People who once were in a more difficult fix than we think we are in right now.

Ernest Hemingway said,"Write drunk, edit sober."

Now how do you think he realized that it could work?!

Of course because he knew it from the first hand experience. From studying his life and from what was shown in "Midnight in Paris", Hemingway was a heavy drinker and enjoyed being in that sweet trance of alcohol. In this forever debate of whether drunk people tell the truth or not, it has been recently established by a scientific community of sorts that 75% of what you say and feel and do while you are under the effect of alcohol is what you wanted to but due to several social reasons may be you choose not to. All those eager wishes are said to be kept under the tab labelled 'repressed memory '.

Coming back to writing drunk part, I happened to come across some pages of the 'diary of a not so young girl', whom I once knew.
She must have written it drunk and I didn't feel right to edit it being sober.

||| Being straight out intoxicated or out of control, is a privilege that some can't afford. Some can't apprehend, and some will always be ignorant. 

I'm neither advertising addiction nor in that case encouraging it; but having a chance to be open up as if it's the last day on earth with people you trust more than life itself, is a special feeling. 

Yes! That can be done being in senses as well but for those who have to be within the clutches of their self-made prison, more mentally than physically or emotionally, for those unfortunate control-freaks, the off switch is a hard thing to click. 

 For a greater part of my adulthood, that has witnessed the overpowering of technology on our lives , I have always craved for a simpler time. 

A time when waiting really meant something for both or multiple parties. 

When waiting didn't merely mean 'till the blue tick appears'. A time when imagination played a major part. A time when meeting meant, in person. 

I consider this and coming generations to be very unlucky because they will never know the intensity of that gushing feelings that comes to surface, when you get to see someone after missing that person, physically, emotionally, verbally, mentally; but then one cannot miss something that they haven't experienced. 

 Tonight I got stood up. No don't feel sorry for me. This is the second time, so by this time I'm used to it. At least this time I was in the comfort of a chair waiting for my virtual date to pop up in a screen. It's much of an improvement from last time when I was standing in the middle of one of the busiest traffic circles in an ever busy metro-city, waiting for someone to show up having no clue that he will ditch me. And the idiot that I was, it took me 3 hours to understand that. I kept calling him but it was not meant to be probably. 

At least this time I hunched that he is not going to show up, not going to give me company, that I'll find myself alone at the end of the night, in the pool of my salinity, breaking a promise that I did more to myself than to anyone.. and then procrastinate but will finally accept that a social protocol kept him from coming. 

He never wanted a temporary relief. 

I understood.. but no matter how much I try to be a strong willed person, there's a threshold that is hidden from most of the world and tonight I realized that it's meant to be kept hidden. Loneliness never really hit me as it did tonight. 

I was actually scared. 

Scared of the load-shedding that suddenly struck the entire area. 

Scared of the storm that suddenly thumped the glass window. 

Scared of myself, scared of what had become!! 

Scared of what I made myself in front of others!! 

I hope to find myself. 

This time, alone (Alone never means without people. Alone is a state of mind which no matter how much of a 'ted or barney' one may try to be, can never fill it.)...

This time, for me. This time I refuse to give the key of my future to anyone other than myself!

I hope life comes to a full circle. 

I hope life gives a second chance to people who deserve. 

Hope is a slow poison...Hope is a very weak word for the intensity with which I want it to be true, and yet I hope, everyday for many varied reasons.......|||

#StayBlessed!